i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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