i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
