never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
