Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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