Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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