You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
