We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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