So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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