I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
