Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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