Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
