I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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