this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
