I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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