Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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