Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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