My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so let's talk penis.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
