im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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