My Higher Power is John Stamos
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
