I think i peed on brittanys purse
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You took a bar mat shot.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
