Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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