I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
