She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
