A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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