yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
