This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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