I want to have your abortion
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
