Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
