How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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