I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the condom got lost in my hair
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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