what day is it and did you see me today?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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