If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's never too late to be topless.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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