There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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