i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
