Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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