And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
