I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
