i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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