Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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