You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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