Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
