I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
