Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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