considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
