Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
