Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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