"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
