Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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