She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
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i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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