I think my fart just growled at me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
