Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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