Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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