dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
