I love black thongs
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
