i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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