the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
