hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
