So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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