Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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