is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
