My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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