I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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