my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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