I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This is my life. Enjoy the view
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I want a musical about memes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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