Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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