My girlfriend figured out who you are.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
