We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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