The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
