she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
