just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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