Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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