It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
